I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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