Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
