can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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