Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
