chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
