sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
