i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
