beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
