I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
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Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
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I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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