i jhust puked up my retainher.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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