i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
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