Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
only you would photoshop your dick
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
