Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
