Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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