How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
