I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
