i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
