and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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