i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
