"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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