too bad you live with your parents still
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
