My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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