yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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