I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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