great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ate ashes out of my bong
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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