Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
