She is in my trunk
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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