just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
