Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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