He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
