Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?