just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
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Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity