Pappa wants mamma naked
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god