I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time