im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize