When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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