Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
porn star boner night. come get it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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