Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
