Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
