Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize