90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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