What did we do last night that was yellow?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
