evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
