and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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