I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
