i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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