just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Randomize
