she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
