i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
40s are totally the cure
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize