There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
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i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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