It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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