There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
