I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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