Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
