totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Randomize
