i was born a porn star she said
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
