Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
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We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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