I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
