yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
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since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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