Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
