If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
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