I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
