i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
