well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
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