She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
