I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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