3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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