I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize