I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
